I was at a wedding a couple weeks ago and have not been able to get the Maid of Honor's speech out of my head.
Unlike most single women, weddings don't make me sad or wish that I was married. Quite the opposite. Weddings are sobering to me, and seeing the love and commitment the two people are making before the world and before God reminds me just how far I am from that. I can't fathom that kind of love or commitment to any man but Jesus.
At this wedding (the 5th of 7 this summer), I decided to picture it all a little differently. I praise God for the union of Jenny and Brett, but I viewed the whole ceremony as a glimpse of Jesus and his Bride the church.
Here's the line in her speech that hit me. "I know this day is a romantic day full of your love for one another, and I can see that you're both beaming with it. But, it is my prayer that you look back on today as the day you loved each other the least."
Holy Cow! This is an amazing idea in a marriage. She was making the point that each day they'll come to know each other more, and even though the relationship will change and the passion will fade, thirty years from now, they will love each other in a richer, deeper way than they do on what they currently consider to be probably the happiest day of their lives.
I couldn't help but ask myself, was the day I accepted Jesus into my life the day I loved Him the least? I was ecstatic to know that was true in my life. I don't have the same naive passion and love for Jesus that I may have had even the first year or two, but goodness I love Him not only more, but better now.
Once you get past the honeymoon phase, inevitable hurts will happen. Joshua says it best, "No man shall be able to stand before you all the days of your life. Just as I was with Moses, so I will be with you. I will not leave you or forsake you." (Joshua 1:5). The most loving, Godly couples will experience pain and God-willing will fight through that and their own sin. Regardless, when a couple has gone through a trial their relationship comes out stronger on the other side.
The prosperity gospel doesn't exist. Accepting Jesus as our Savior doesn't mean our life will not have pain. It means that through our suffering and our trials our perseverance and God's grace and love and mercy will strengthen and deepen our relationship with Him so that we can look back on our wedding day with Him and say, "That was the day I loved you the least."
Monday, June 28, 2010
Thursday, June 24, 2010
Foot of the Cross
Foot of the Cross is a super sweet church that meets in the Pourhouse Cafe Sunday mornings. They have a great mission, amazing vision, and a pastor that just brings it. But, what I love even more than that is who the body is made up of. It's a small church with a few families and a few college students... and a few homeless people.
I remember thinking and praying a few months ago about how to reach the homeless. I love these people. I love seeing them as people and not just creatures. It's been my passion for years to reach them emotionally through counseling. Half the reason I got into my field of psychology is so I can offer free counseling. So often those who need it most are those who can't afford it.
So often we view the homeless as helpless, dirty, deranged people looking for a free handout. When we see them asking for money we consciously make a decision. Do we give money or food? We're worried they'll spend any money we do give them on alcohol or drugs. But don't you think they need more than food and money? What about company? I sometimes wonder how long it's been since these people have had a real conversation with anyone. I often wonder, when was the last time someone simply asked them their name?
We're relational creatures. God created us to want and need love and fellowship. We'd all go a little crazy without it. But what about church? Church should be a sanctuary. The one place any living breathing being can go when the rest of their world turns their back. Unfortunately, dressing up for God has prevented this.
Sunday mornings are a time most Christians put on their Sunday best, as a sign of reverence and love to their Father. It's not wrong, in fact it's almost romantic. But, I'd be willing to bet this makes many poor and homeless people think twice before walking into a church. Prostitutes and beggars probably wouldn't feel very welcomed there.
Paul's advice to the Corinthian church, who faced a similar problem, was to abstain from idol meat. Not because it was a sin to eat it, but because it was causing others to stumble (1 Cor 8:7-13, 11:33-34).
For a while now I've developed a desire to help plant a church. And as my ideas progressed, I decided if I planted a church, I wanted it to be in the heart of some thriving downtown metropolis... somewhere close to the homeless. They are no less deserving of Jesus, a church, and the body.
Pastor Matt beat me to it here in Bloomington. Maybe we're not a thriving metropolis, but the church is located in a great section of town to reach these new and old believers.
Now, on to Matt's sermon Sunday. Here goes.
----
The book of Jonah begins with a call from God to go to Ninevah to share the good news (Jonah 1:1). For context, Ninevah would be about the equivalent of God calling you to walk over to a mosque in Iraq and share the gospel. Jonah, like so many of us, didn't trust that God could bring him through something like that, so he denied God.
Now, we disobey God all the time, but Jonah decided to not only not listen, he chose to run in the complete opposite direction. Ninevah was just barely to the north of Joppa, Jonah took off for Tarshish, which was thousands of miles to the west (1:3).
And that's not enough. Jonah is so beyond despair now that he asks to be thrown overboard. He would rather die than listen to God (1:12).
I love God's response. He doesn't get angry like I probably would and just let Jonah perish. He sends a fish to swallow him and carry him to back (1:17). It's stories like this that make many doubt God, but it just furthers my belief. Anyone writing an account of such a tale would have no reason to make this up. Who would believe them?
I digress. So God calls to Jonah a second time, "Go to Ninevah!" Finally, Jonah submits. He waltzes right into the city and simply says, "In forty days Ninevah will be overthrown." (3:4) That's all we know he said. Not a long, poetic, loving explanation of God, just "You're all so sinful that God's going to wipe you out."
Here's where it gets good (horrible grammar). The whole city turns to God!!! (3:5) And they didn't just turn to him, they believed in him and put on sackcloth and ashes as a sign of humility to everyone who could see them. And it doesn't stop there. The KING does this, too. He puts his faith in God and humbles himself before his nation by taking off his royal robes (this never happens) and wears sackcloth. Beyond that, he orders the rest of his kingdom to do the same.
If the story of Jonah isn't a demonstration of the fact that salvation is a result of God's doing, not ours, then I don't know what is.
These people from Ninevah get it! How many of us would turn our life over so quickly? And how many of us trust God can reach the unreachable? That he can use us (even doubting Thomas') to turn entire nations to God with one sentence? How incredible that the people from Ninevah turn to God so quickly, when Jonah had been sharing the good news with the religious in his home town and no one there was changing anything about their lives.
So, the question is, when God calls you, do you run the other direction or do you humble yourself for all to see? Are you living in Ninevah or Israel?
I remember thinking and praying a few months ago about how to reach the homeless. I love these people. I love seeing them as people and not just creatures. It's been my passion for years to reach them emotionally through counseling. Half the reason I got into my field of psychology is so I can offer free counseling. So often those who need it most are those who can't afford it.
So often we view the homeless as helpless, dirty, deranged people looking for a free handout. When we see them asking for money we consciously make a decision. Do we give money or food? We're worried they'll spend any money we do give them on alcohol or drugs. But don't you think they need more than food and money? What about company? I sometimes wonder how long it's been since these people have had a real conversation with anyone. I often wonder, when was the last time someone simply asked them their name?
We're relational creatures. God created us to want and need love and fellowship. We'd all go a little crazy without it. But what about church? Church should be a sanctuary. The one place any living breathing being can go when the rest of their world turns their back. Unfortunately, dressing up for God has prevented this.
Sunday mornings are a time most Christians put on their Sunday best, as a sign of reverence and love to their Father. It's not wrong, in fact it's almost romantic. But, I'd be willing to bet this makes many poor and homeless people think twice before walking into a church. Prostitutes and beggars probably wouldn't feel very welcomed there.
Paul's advice to the Corinthian church, who faced a similar problem, was to abstain from idol meat. Not because it was a sin to eat it, but because it was causing others to stumble (1 Cor 8:7-13, 11:33-34).
For a while now I've developed a desire to help plant a church. And as my ideas progressed, I decided if I planted a church, I wanted it to be in the heart of some thriving downtown metropolis... somewhere close to the homeless. They are no less deserving of Jesus, a church, and the body.
Pastor Matt beat me to it here in Bloomington. Maybe we're not a thriving metropolis, but the church is located in a great section of town to reach these new and old believers.
Now, on to Matt's sermon Sunday. Here goes.
----
The book of Jonah begins with a call from God to go to Ninevah to share the good news (Jonah 1:1). For context, Ninevah would be about the equivalent of God calling you to walk over to a mosque in Iraq and share the gospel. Jonah, like so many of us, didn't trust that God could bring him through something like that, so he denied God.
Now, we disobey God all the time, but Jonah decided to not only not listen, he chose to run in the complete opposite direction. Ninevah was just barely to the north of Joppa, Jonah took off for Tarshish, which was thousands of miles to the west (1:3).
And that's not enough. Jonah is so beyond despair now that he asks to be thrown overboard. He would rather die than listen to God (1:12).
I love God's response. He doesn't get angry like I probably would and just let Jonah perish. He sends a fish to swallow him and carry him to back (1:17). It's stories like this that make many doubt God, but it just furthers my belief. Anyone writing an account of such a tale would have no reason to make this up. Who would believe them?
I digress. So God calls to Jonah a second time, "Go to Ninevah!" Finally, Jonah submits. He waltzes right into the city and simply says, "In forty days Ninevah will be overthrown." (3:4) That's all we know he said. Not a long, poetic, loving explanation of God, just "You're all so sinful that God's going to wipe you out."
Here's where it gets good (horrible grammar). The whole city turns to God!!! (3:5) And they didn't just turn to him, they believed in him and put on sackcloth and ashes as a sign of humility to everyone who could see them. And it doesn't stop there. The KING does this, too. He puts his faith in God and humbles himself before his nation by taking off his royal robes (this never happens) and wears sackcloth. Beyond that, he orders the rest of his kingdom to do the same.
If the story of Jonah isn't a demonstration of the fact that salvation is a result of God's doing, not ours, then I don't know what is.
These people from Ninevah get it! How many of us would turn our life over so quickly? And how many of us trust God can reach the unreachable? That he can use us (even doubting Thomas') to turn entire nations to God with one sentence? How incredible that the people from Ninevah turn to God so quickly, when Jonah had been sharing the good news with the religious in his home town and no one there was changing anything about their lives.
So, the question is, when God calls you, do you run the other direction or do you humble yourself for all to see? Are you living in Ninevah or Israel?
Sunday, June 20, 2010
Stop Dating the Church
After months of church shopping, I finally found a church I can call home! Each Sunday morning I've been cascading through Bloomington searching for a new church. And today was that day. It was like stepping onto your future college campus for the first time, when you just KNOW that you're in the right place. As soon as I sat down I had that peaceful feeling in my heart that I had arrived. Through the people I met, the worship, the pastor, and the vision, I knew I was as close to home as I'm going to get here on earth. Before the sermon was over I caught myself already excited to come back next week. Praise God!
I came here planning to share the sermon and spread Pastor Matt's amazing wisdom and heart for his church, The Foot of the Cross, but that will have to wait until tomorrow. Because as I've learned over the months, it's hard to find so much joy in finding a good church until you know what a good church is. So here goes:
Some time this winter I became very interested in Church. And not just going to church, I became interested in why we go to church. I love spending my Sunday mornings worshipping and learning, and spending time in my Father's house, but I discovered that even this was founded in selfishness. I liked it because of what it did for me. Yes it's great to praise God and learn about His character, but I never took the time to stop and ask why God created the church. I knew the Sunday school answers. For fellowship, for community, to form a body of believers to come together and worship God together, because it's the Sabbath, etc.
All those things are great and true, but I wanted to know more. I'd been unsatisfied at my home church and spent a good year church shopping when it dawned on me that I wasn't sure Biblically what I was shopping for.
I had so many questions. What is the role of church? What is church doctrine? Church discipline? How are para-churches different from churches? What is God's purpose for the church in our lives and in society? I could go on and on.
So I studied. I sought wise counsel, searched for verses and Bible stories for answers (Paul was very helpful), read some chapters in Systematic Theology, and finally ended my study with one of my new favorite books, "Stop Dating the Church."
Joshua Harris spends this short book explaining the problems with Christians and the church today. Too many people date the church and won't commit to it. Nobody wants to be a member anymore. As soon as something goes wrong; the pastor makes a comment you don't like, the worship leader changes, the Bible study topics aren't good one semester, and everyone leaves. We date churches, we don't commit to them and make them our bride like Christ did.
Joshua doesn't discount the importance of searching for a good home church, but he cautions people against searching for too long, or for being so willing to leave at the first sign of trouble. When it comes to church we're all a bunch of commitment-phobes.
He uses plenty of scripture to back up his points, which I sadly cannot re-iterate here as I've talked the book up so much to my friends that it's lent out and has a waiting list, but I remember one scripture reference that particularly struck me.
"And let us consider how to stir up one another to love and good works, not neglecting to meet together, as is the habit of some, but encouraging one another, and all the more as you see the Day drawing near." Hebrews 10:24-25
The author of Hebrews expresses concern for this church, reminding them to meet together so they can encourage one another, stirring each other up in love.
Joshua argues that many Christians today go to church to be fed. They want teaching for themselves. They want to be convicted. It's not that those are bad things, but if that's our only reason we're going to church, for ourselves, then we're missing the point in why God created the church. If that's what we're looking for, I could listen to a Mark Driscoll sermon each Sunday morning from the safety and comfort of my own home. Or worse, I could listen to it as a podcast while I run and say I went to church for the week. (I'm not saying listening to extra sermons is bad or wrong, I do it as much as I can, I'm simply saying that isn't church)
God didn't send His Son to lay down His life for a Podcast, He experienced torture at the hand of man for His bride, the church, so that we didn't have to be isolated and worship in secret anymore. His sacrifice was so we could meet together, in genuine fellowship and love. So we could come as one body and experience from each other a small glimpse of His heavenly affection for us.
But how many of us go to church selflessly, with the hope and aim of feeding and encouraging those in the seats next to us? I'd argue most of us keep to the people we came with and hardly exchange more than a pleasant smile or maybe a polite name-swap with our neighbors. We don't see the others around us as brothers, sisters, and allies.
Seriously, think of one person you met through your church that you have a relationship with today. You know there name, and you have real, genuine conversations with them. You've either met up with them outside of church, or you've prayed with them. Something. Anything...
I don't know about you, but I struggled to come up with a single name.
Now, fellowship isn't the only reason for church. Joshua explains a few other important aspects of church attendance, that's just the one that hit me. From there, he offers some helpful suggestions for what to look for in a church. He narrowed down the list to three main things to look for, what I call the "holy trinity" of churches. (I hope that wasn't super heretical...). Worship, Teaching, and Community.
Those three things don't have to carry equal weight. They should all be present, but by knowing how we relate to the Lord and how we best connect with Him it is up to us to determine which of these things are the most important to us, and to choose a church accordingly.
Take me for example. I began attending a church in December where I absolutely LOVED the teaching. It was incredible. I walked away each week with pages upon pages of notes, usually armed with new material I could interlace with my weekly Bible study. It was great. The problem was, after a few months, I stopped getting excited for church. I hadn't met a single person there, and could not get over their awkward worship music. I wanted to see past the mediocre singing. I should empathize with them, I'm as tone deaf as they come, but music is too important to my connection with God. I am normally a pretty quiet person who is happy just listening, but when it comes to praising my Father I want to shout at the top of my lungs. I couldn't do that there.
The truth is, in committing to a church like we commit to a real bride or groom. We will never find perfection. That is only in Christ. Churches are built by men's hands and upon man's ideas. Still, there are great Godly men out there pastoring incredibly Christ-centered churches. So find one and commit to it, and not just for yourself. Commit to it also for it's other members. You have gifts to offer them and the church.
Christ loves You so much that He died for you... but not just for you. He died for the person sitting next to you this morning, too.
I came here planning to share the sermon and spread Pastor Matt's amazing wisdom and heart for his church, The Foot of the Cross, but that will have to wait until tomorrow. Because as I've learned over the months, it's hard to find so much joy in finding a good church until you know what a good church is. So here goes:
Some time this winter I became very interested in Church. And not just going to church, I became interested in why we go to church. I love spending my Sunday mornings worshipping and learning, and spending time in my Father's house, but I discovered that even this was founded in selfishness. I liked it because of what it did for me. Yes it's great to praise God and learn about His character, but I never took the time to stop and ask why God created the church. I knew the Sunday school answers. For fellowship, for community, to form a body of believers to come together and worship God together, because it's the Sabbath, etc.
All those things are great and true, but I wanted to know more. I'd been unsatisfied at my home church and spent a good year church shopping when it dawned on me that I wasn't sure Biblically what I was shopping for.
I had so many questions. What is the role of church? What is church doctrine? Church discipline? How are para-churches different from churches? What is God's purpose for the church in our lives and in society? I could go on and on.
So I studied. I sought wise counsel, searched for verses and Bible stories for answers (Paul was very helpful), read some chapters in Systematic Theology, and finally ended my study with one of my new favorite books, "Stop Dating the Church."
Joshua Harris spends this short book explaining the problems with Christians and the church today. Too many people date the church and won't commit to it. Nobody wants to be a member anymore. As soon as something goes wrong; the pastor makes a comment you don't like, the worship leader changes, the Bible study topics aren't good one semester, and everyone leaves. We date churches, we don't commit to them and make them our bride like Christ did.
Joshua doesn't discount the importance of searching for a good home church, but he cautions people against searching for too long, or for being so willing to leave at the first sign of trouble. When it comes to church we're all a bunch of commitment-phobes.
He uses plenty of scripture to back up his points, which I sadly cannot re-iterate here as I've talked the book up so much to my friends that it's lent out and has a waiting list, but I remember one scripture reference that particularly struck me.
"And let us consider how to stir up one another to love and good works, not neglecting to meet together, as is the habit of some, but encouraging one another, and all the more as you see the Day drawing near." Hebrews 10:24-25
The author of Hebrews expresses concern for this church, reminding them to meet together so they can encourage one another, stirring each other up in love.
Joshua argues that many Christians today go to church to be fed. They want teaching for themselves. They want to be convicted. It's not that those are bad things, but if that's our only reason we're going to church, for ourselves, then we're missing the point in why God created the church. If that's what we're looking for, I could listen to a Mark Driscoll sermon each Sunday morning from the safety and comfort of my own home. Or worse, I could listen to it as a podcast while I run and say I went to church for the week. (I'm not saying listening to extra sermons is bad or wrong, I do it as much as I can, I'm simply saying that isn't church)
God didn't send His Son to lay down His life for a Podcast, He experienced torture at the hand of man for His bride, the church, so that we didn't have to be isolated and worship in secret anymore. His sacrifice was so we could meet together, in genuine fellowship and love. So we could come as one body and experience from each other a small glimpse of His heavenly affection for us.
But how many of us go to church selflessly, with the hope and aim of feeding and encouraging those in the seats next to us? I'd argue most of us keep to the people we came with and hardly exchange more than a pleasant smile or maybe a polite name-swap with our neighbors. We don't see the others around us as brothers, sisters, and allies.
Seriously, think of one person you met through your church that you have a relationship with today. You know there name, and you have real, genuine conversations with them. You've either met up with them outside of church, or you've prayed with them. Something. Anything...
I don't know about you, but I struggled to come up with a single name.
Now, fellowship isn't the only reason for church. Joshua explains a few other important aspects of church attendance, that's just the one that hit me. From there, he offers some helpful suggestions for what to look for in a church. He narrowed down the list to three main things to look for, what I call the "holy trinity" of churches. (I hope that wasn't super heretical...). Worship, Teaching, and Community.
Those three things don't have to carry equal weight. They should all be present, but by knowing how we relate to the Lord and how we best connect with Him it is up to us to determine which of these things are the most important to us, and to choose a church accordingly.
Take me for example. I began attending a church in December where I absolutely LOVED the teaching. It was incredible. I walked away each week with pages upon pages of notes, usually armed with new material I could interlace with my weekly Bible study. It was great. The problem was, after a few months, I stopped getting excited for church. I hadn't met a single person there, and could not get over their awkward worship music. I wanted to see past the mediocre singing. I should empathize with them, I'm as tone deaf as they come, but music is too important to my connection with God. I am normally a pretty quiet person who is happy just listening, but when it comes to praising my Father I want to shout at the top of my lungs. I couldn't do that there.
The truth is, in committing to a church like we commit to a real bride or groom. We will never find perfection. That is only in Christ. Churches are built by men's hands and upon man's ideas. Still, there are great Godly men out there pastoring incredibly Christ-centered churches. So find one and commit to it, and not just for yourself. Commit to it also for it's other members. You have gifts to offer them and the church.
Christ loves You so much that He died for you... but not just for you. He died for the person sitting next to you this morning, too.
Saturday, June 19, 2010
Death by Chocolate
I love theologians. I love books, I love listening to sermons. I can read Charles Spurgeon, C.S. Lewis, St. Augustine, J.I. Packer, John Piper, or Carolyn Custis James 'til the cows come home. Matt Chandler and Mark Driscoll could win my ear for hours each day listening to their wisdom and passion for the gospel. But, eloquent as all these men and women are, none hold a candle to my main man David.
I truly believe that the psalms contain some of the most beautiful words in the English language; housed in a book devoted to songs and prayers in praise and exultation of the Lord.
But, perhaps my favorite verse I've found recently is Psalm 119:103, "How sweet are your words to my taste, sweeter than honey to my mouth."
It's a simple verse, but it blew my mind. Now, I don't like honey, so it took me some thinking to get past that part. But as I thought about it, I began to look into the context of David's words. Honey was probably the sweetest of all temporal things back then. Dessert and sugar in general were not as common as they are in American society. Honey was a sweet, sweet, delicacy.
Which got me thinking, the sweetest and richest of all foods to me is chocolate, and I am fairly certain that if chocolate existed back then the verse would say, "... sweeter than chocolate to my mouth."
Mind blown. Nothing is sweeter than chocolate to me, and yet David recognizes that God's word is!! Honey is David's chocolate. The greatest, sweetest, most amazing thing David can taste in his mouth is not so delicious God's word to his ear.
I got so excited by this revelation that I ran to tell a friend excitedly proclaiming to her that I hunger for God's word, I salivate for it, and it feeds my soul in a way nothing else can. Over and over I gleefully told her, "God's word is sweeter than chocolate!!" Seriously, this should be particularly striking if you're a woman, as we seem to have a special place in our hearts reserved for this dark, delicious treat.
My joy continued and I started reading commentaries on this particular verse, to which I believe Charles Spurgeon had the best response,
"How wise it will be on our part to keep the word on our palate by meditation and on our tongue by confession. It must be sweet to our taste when we think of it, or it will not be Sweet to our mouth when we talk of it."
He took a verse I loved and derived a totally different meaning from it, but I love his interpretation, too.
Lord, thank You for Your Word. For giving us something so rich and so sweet that it leaves us thirsting for only You and Your life-giving water. Thank You for using Your son David to remind me that even the most amazing earthly goods pale in comparison to You. How sweet it is to be loved by You.
I truly believe that the psalms contain some of the most beautiful words in the English language; housed in a book devoted to songs and prayers in praise and exultation of the Lord.
But, perhaps my favorite verse I've found recently is Psalm 119:103, "How sweet are your words to my taste, sweeter than honey to my mouth."
It's a simple verse, but it blew my mind. Now, I don't like honey, so it took me some thinking to get past that part. But as I thought about it, I began to look into the context of David's words. Honey was probably the sweetest of all temporal things back then. Dessert and sugar in general were not as common as they are in American society. Honey was a sweet, sweet, delicacy.
Which got me thinking, the sweetest and richest of all foods to me is chocolate, and I am fairly certain that if chocolate existed back then the verse would say, "... sweeter than chocolate to my mouth."
Mind blown. Nothing is sweeter than chocolate to me, and yet David recognizes that God's word is!! Honey is David's chocolate. The greatest, sweetest, most amazing thing David can taste in his mouth is not so delicious God's word to his ear.
I got so excited by this revelation that I ran to tell a friend excitedly proclaiming to her that I hunger for God's word, I salivate for it, and it feeds my soul in a way nothing else can. Over and over I gleefully told her, "God's word is sweeter than chocolate!!" Seriously, this should be particularly striking if you're a woman, as we seem to have a special place in our hearts reserved for this dark, delicious treat.
My joy continued and I started reading commentaries on this particular verse, to which I believe Charles Spurgeon had the best response,
"How wise it will be on our part to keep the word on our palate by meditation and on our tongue by confession. It must be sweet to our taste when we think of it, or it will not be Sweet to our mouth when we talk of it."
He took a verse I loved and derived a totally different meaning from it, but I love his interpretation, too.
Lord, thank You for Your Word. For giving us something so rich and so sweet that it leaves us thirsting for only You and Your life-giving water. Thank You for using Your son David to remind me that even the most amazing earthly goods pale in comparison to You. How sweet it is to be loved by You.
Friday, June 18, 2010
Greener Pastures
This summer has been an interesting one. I’ll be around Bloomington for 12 weeks… amazingly, of those twelve weeks, I’ll only be here (in Bloomington) for one full weekend. It is a busy and crazy summer to say the least. Yet between all the work, all the grad classes, all the trips to Indy, Evansville, and California, the Bible studies, the coffee dates, and the friends, God has been by my side, graciously and lovingly revealing to me His majesty.
My words do not do His words, nor His works, justice. But I hope it will give you just a glimpse of the glory that is to come (Rom 8:18). Below are just a few instances of the thousands of little ways God has demonstrated His power in my life this summer.
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Tonight, I was sitting at the Bakehouse with one of my Bible study girls, heavy into a conversation about God, the men in our lives, and how to be Godly women for them, when a little 3-yr old boy Mee-shee joined our conversation. With little warning he left his mom and dad, wandered to our couch, and plopped himself between us. Introducing himself, and his monkey, Adichay, with hug after hug. He would joyfully jump from one of our laps to the other, falling into us, smiling at us, laughing with us, and just laying there in our arms. We were both shocked at how outgoing this little toddler was.
After playing with him for a while and a brief conversation with Mee-shee’s mom, we found out he was autistic. His mother was literally in awe that he felt so comfortable around us. She said because of his autism Mee-shee is terrified of strangers. She’d never seen Him trust anyone like that.
It may not seem like much of a story, but it left me with an incredible realization. The Holy Spirit is alive and well in a 3-year-old autistic boy. He could discern what was good and pure and be drawn to it. What child-like faith (Matthew 18:3). A poor boy prone to fear, and in the presence of God He was not just at peace, he was jovial and completely surrendered.
God reveals His majesty in adorable little boys. He also reveals His majesty in commanding storms.
For the last week or so Indiana has been wrought with severe summer storms. Dear friends dealt with the tragedy of having their own house struck by lightning and catch fire while they were still inside (praise God they made it out alright!). And the storms culminated into two mega storms on Monday and Tuesday night. Each night the city sat under severe storm, flash flood, and tornado warnings. Monday night winds reached over 45 miles per hour, closer to 60 in some locations. There were approximately 9,000 lightning strikes every half hour. Tuesday the storm rolled in so ferociously and rapidly that the mall was evacuated, and the IU emergency alert was activated urging all students on campus to seek immediate shelter.
I was downright giddy these couple days. I grew up in Texas watching tornadoes with my mom, so this devious weather was like home to me. It reminded me of home in Texas, but it also reminded me of home in my Father.
Who but the Lord can make the winds move with such might? Even the winds obey Him (Matthew 8:27, Luke 8:25). These storms were beyond powerful, some of the most forceful I’d ever seen and it just brought me over and over again to the feet of the Lord, in awe that He has the power to destroy this world.
It’s humbling to understand His power and wrath. It is perhaps more humbling to understand His grace.
When I woke up the next morning to run, the world was a completely different place. All around me on my run I saw the remnants of the storm. Branches, twigs, leaves, and mulch paved the sidewalks, violently plucked from their former homes. Countless trees had been uprooted, toppled over and completely blocking a few roads. Still, the sky was a brilliant blue and the sun was shining brightly through fluffy white clouds.
“Though sorrow may last through the night, His joy comes in the morning.” Psalm 30:5.
Lush flowers and abundant greenery surrounded my run, possibly outnumbering the fallen wood. Even in death, God opens doors for life to enter.
His majesty is revealed in commanding storms, but it is also revealed in delicate flowers.
I’ve always been fond of flowers, plants, and the way God shows his love for us through nature. I can scarcely wait for the day I’ll have a garden of my own. Over and over I’m blown away by the countless metaphors God uses in comparing us to the plant world. Last summer I went on the most amazing run where I saw the beauty in this leafy green world and finally understood just what my Papa had been trying to teach me for so long. My trip to California reminded me of that great day.
I’m blown away by the different kinds of flowers and plant-life we have here in the Midwest, but California puts us to shame. Day after day I saw more exotic, vibrant, strange flowers than I knew existed. As soon as I got home from my trip I searched my old e-mails to find what I’d written about my run just one year before:
We (people) are so much like plants. God, in His infinite wisdom, knew this and wrote about it often in His book. I’d be willing to bet that at least half of the books in the Bible (and probably more) make some metaphor comparing us to seeds, plants, fruit, vines, or the harvest. This makes sense for the time as well. I’m sure farming was one of the most common career paths in antiquity, so God wisely used metaphors His beloved creatures could relate to. Because we are less directly connected to the land nowadays, I think we sometimes miss out on the beauty of the farming metaphors.
Plants are an incredible thing to me. They begin as this tiny little seed. Even colossal sycamore trees start this way. And you sow these seeds (which Jesus had something to say about) and when they’re sown well, it means the seed has landed in a place where it is surrounded and overwhelmed by good soil. So this little seed is then hidden from the world in its first stage of life. Not until it’s began to sprout does it peak out from the ground, showing the world it’s ready. This strong little bud has been nourished well in the dark, in the quiet, but from this point on, the sun (Son) and light (John 14:6) become crucial to its existence. So much so that without them, the plant would wither and die.
And so plants grow. Slowly. That may be my favorite part of the metaphor, how slowly we grow. You never see the change happening. You can’t watch a plant grow. You’ll never see the moment a flower bud opens, because there isn’t one moment. The entire growth of a plant is a process. A continual process that never ends. So long as there is sun, water, and nutrients, a plant never stops growing.
There are seasons when flowers are in bloom, and seasons where they shed their buds to allow for new growth the following season. And yet, the plants grow on; sometimes they grow on their own. Even the most beautiful branches can grow ugly and unruly when they are not pruned. This is a difficult process, because good, healthy branches are being cut back. It’s painful for the plant, and involves strong, violent instruments. It’s for their good, but that doesn’t change how much it hurts.
The other thing I love about plants is how different they all are. There are some that are made to provide sustenance, fruits and vegetables; there are some who bring beauty to the world, flowers; some who are meant to protect and defend, poison ivy, thorns; some give us rest with their shade, trees; and still others provide healing, aloe leaves. It’s unreal how many billions of different shapes and sizes plants come in, all with their own unique purpose. Still, no matter how different, all plants bear their makers lush, life-giving, green image. Unbelievable!
My final thought from this stream-of-consciousness run was the harvest. I think it’s interesting the tool used to harvest crops. In Jesus’ time the tool was the sickle, the creepy thing the Grim Reaper carries. How interesting that in our confused misrepresentation we have made death look so scary. That the tool God uses to cut us down and bring us home has become scary and violent looking.
“Consider the lilies of the field, see how they grow. They do not labor or spin.” They just grow. Lilies (and all plants really) have it right. They’re simple and unaffected. They are so incredibly fragile and vulnerable, having to rely solely on the Son to give them light, water, and to prune them when necessary. The lily has absolutely no say in its own life, it just grows. See now why I love considering the lilies? They’re a constant reminder of how I should be living my life.
I’m reading a book right now that describes flowers well; the narrator is explaining how crops don’t need us to grow, they just need sun and water. “[God] must have lacked faith in mankind’s follow-through capabilities, on the day He created flowers.” The same could be said of us. We have terrible follow-through. That’s why we’re dependent on the Lord and not ourselves.
God's majesty in children, storms, and plants. Only He could be found in such unique places all at once.
Praise be to God that He who knew no sin became sin, so that through grace we could experience the blessings and righteousness of God in everything! (2 Cor 5:21)
He is in everything, and He is my everything.
My words do not do His words, nor His works, justice. But I hope it will give you just a glimpse of the glory that is to come (Rom 8:18). Below are just a few instances of the thousands of little ways God has demonstrated His power in my life this summer.
---
Tonight, I was sitting at the Bakehouse with one of my Bible study girls, heavy into a conversation about God, the men in our lives, and how to be Godly women for them, when a little 3-yr old boy Mee-shee joined our conversation. With little warning he left his mom and dad, wandered to our couch, and plopped himself between us. Introducing himself, and his monkey, Adichay, with hug after hug. He would joyfully jump from one of our laps to the other, falling into us, smiling at us, laughing with us, and just laying there in our arms. We were both shocked at how outgoing this little toddler was.
After playing with him for a while and a brief conversation with Mee-shee’s mom, we found out he was autistic. His mother was literally in awe that he felt so comfortable around us. She said because of his autism Mee-shee is terrified of strangers. She’d never seen Him trust anyone like that.
It may not seem like much of a story, but it left me with an incredible realization. The Holy Spirit is alive and well in a 3-year-old autistic boy. He could discern what was good and pure and be drawn to it. What child-like faith (Matthew 18:3). A poor boy prone to fear, and in the presence of God He was not just at peace, he was jovial and completely surrendered.
God reveals His majesty in adorable little boys. He also reveals His majesty in commanding storms.
For the last week or so Indiana has been wrought with severe summer storms. Dear friends dealt with the tragedy of having their own house struck by lightning and catch fire while they were still inside (praise God they made it out alright!). And the storms culminated into two mega storms on Monday and Tuesday night. Each night the city sat under severe storm, flash flood, and tornado warnings. Monday night winds reached over 45 miles per hour, closer to 60 in some locations. There were approximately 9,000 lightning strikes every half hour. Tuesday the storm rolled in so ferociously and rapidly that the mall was evacuated, and the IU emergency alert was activated urging all students on campus to seek immediate shelter.
I was downright giddy these couple days. I grew up in Texas watching tornadoes with my mom, so this devious weather was like home to me. It reminded me of home in Texas, but it also reminded me of home in my Father.
Who but the Lord can make the winds move with such might? Even the winds obey Him (Matthew 8:27, Luke 8:25). These storms were beyond powerful, some of the most forceful I’d ever seen and it just brought me over and over again to the feet of the Lord, in awe that He has the power to destroy this world.
It’s humbling to understand His power and wrath. It is perhaps more humbling to understand His grace.
When I woke up the next morning to run, the world was a completely different place. All around me on my run I saw the remnants of the storm. Branches, twigs, leaves, and mulch paved the sidewalks, violently plucked from their former homes. Countless trees had been uprooted, toppled over and completely blocking a few roads. Still, the sky was a brilliant blue and the sun was shining brightly through fluffy white clouds.
“Though sorrow may last through the night, His joy comes in the morning.” Psalm 30:5.
Lush flowers and abundant greenery surrounded my run, possibly outnumbering the fallen wood. Even in death, God opens doors for life to enter.
His majesty is revealed in commanding storms, but it is also revealed in delicate flowers.
I’ve always been fond of flowers, plants, and the way God shows his love for us through nature. I can scarcely wait for the day I’ll have a garden of my own. Over and over I’m blown away by the countless metaphors God uses in comparing us to the plant world. Last summer I went on the most amazing run where I saw the beauty in this leafy green world and finally understood just what my Papa had been trying to teach me for so long. My trip to California reminded me of that great day.
I’m blown away by the different kinds of flowers and plant-life we have here in the Midwest, but California puts us to shame. Day after day I saw more exotic, vibrant, strange flowers than I knew existed. As soon as I got home from my trip I searched my old e-mails to find what I’d written about my run just one year before:
We (people) are so much like plants. God, in His infinite wisdom, knew this and wrote about it often in His book. I’d be willing to bet that at least half of the books in the Bible (and probably more) make some metaphor comparing us to seeds, plants, fruit, vines, or the harvest. This makes sense for the time as well. I’m sure farming was one of the most common career paths in antiquity, so God wisely used metaphors His beloved creatures could relate to. Because we are less directly connected to the land nowadays, I think we sometimes miss out on the beauty of the farming metaphors.
Plants are an incredible thing to me. They begin as this tiny little seed. Even colossal sycamore trees start this way. And you sow these seeds (which Jesus had something to say about) and when they’re sown well, it means the seed has landed in a place where it is surrounded and overwhelmed by good soil. So this little seed is then hidden from the world in its first stage of life. Not until it’s began to sprout does it peak out from the ground, showing the world it’s ready. This strong little bud has been nourished well in the dark, in the quiet, but from this point on, the sun (Son) and light (John 14:6) become crucial to its existence. So much so that without them, the plant would wither and die.
And so plants grow. Slowly. That may be my favorite part of the metaphor, how slowly we grow. You never see the change happening. You can’t watch a plant grow. You’ll never see the moment a flower bud opens, because there isn’t one moment. The entire growth of a plant is a process. A continual process that never ends. So long as there is sun, water, and nutrients, a plant never stops growing.
There are seasons when flowers are in bloom, and seasons where they shed their buds to allow for new growth the following season. And yet, the plants grow on; sometimes they grow on their own. Even the most beautiful branches can grow ugly and unruly when they are not pruned. This is a difficult process, because good, healthy branches are being cut back. It’s painful for the plant, and involves strong, violent instruments. It’s for their good, but that doesn’t change how much it hurts.
The other thing I love about plants is how different they all are. There are some that are made to provide sustenance, fruits and vegetables; there are some who bring beauty to the world, flowers; some who are meant to protect and defend, poison ivy, thorns; some give us rest with their shade, trees; and still others provide healing, aloe leaves. It’s unreal how many billions of different shapes and sizes plants come in, all with their own unique purpose. Still, no matter how different, all plants bear their makers lush, life-giving, green image. Unbelievable!
My final thought from this stream-of-consciousness run was the harvest. I think it’s interesting the tool used to harvest crops. In Jesus’ time the tool was the sickle, the creepy thing the Grim Reaper carries. How interesting that in our confused misrepresentation we have made death look so scary. That the tool God uses to cut us down and bring us home has become scary and violent looking.
“Consider the lilies of the field, see how they grow. They do not labor or spin.” They just grow. Lilies (and all plants really) have it right. They’re simple and unaffected. They are so incredibly fragile and vulnerable, having to rely solely on the Son to give them light, water, and to prune them when necessary. The lily has absolutely no say in its own life, it just grows. See now why I love considering the lilies? They’re a constant reminder of how I should be living my life.
I’m reading a book right now that describes flowers well; the narrator is explaining how crops don’t need us to grow, they just need sun and water. “[God] must have lacked faith in mankind’s follow-through capabilities, on the day He created flowers.” The same could be said of us. We have terrible follow-through. That’s why we’re dependent on the Lord and not ourselves.
God's majesty in children, storms, and plants. Only He could be found in such unique places all at once.
Praise be to God that He who knew no sin became sin, so that through grace we could experience the blessings and righteousness of God in everything! (2 Cor 5:21)
He is in everything, and He is my everything.
Wednesday, June 9, 2010
Dear Studly Men of God
It's been far too long since I've posted anything. Unfortunately, intensive five-week grad classes take up too much time for me to blog. I have a back-logged list of ideas, but until then, I plan on posting some old stuff I've written. For some reason God has led me back to my archives lately and I've learned a lot. I read some works and am shocked and impressed that I actually had some Godly wisdom back in the day. Other times I'm a little embarrassed how off base I was, but can rejoice in God's mercy that He's rescued me from so many false idols.
My senior year of college I led a group of junior women in Bible study, and spend some time with them studying what it meant to be a woman of God. To do so, I challenged many of my brothers to write us letters, encouraging us for what we do well but holding us accountable for things we could do better. This is Christian women in general... not just my girls. The response was incredible.
As a thank you, my girls and I brainstormed and responded with a letter for them. A letter addressed to our Christian brothers, encouraging them for what they do well, but challenging them in areas they could do better.
-------
Dear Studly Men of God :)
There is much to be said about the relationship between a brother and sister. Perhaps no men are as protective of the women in their lives as a “big bro” is to his “li’l sis.” Brothers have a kind of furious love for their sisters, wanting nothing but the best for them and going to the ends of the earth to make sure they are always protected and cared for.
The love between a Christian brother and sister is not so different. And we are so blessed to have so many big brothers, constantly looking out for us. You bless the women in your lives with your thoughtful and protective nature. In a world where women are constantly objectified, we all find refuge and shelter in men like you. Men who walk girls to their cars no matter how far away or what hour, men who give up their seats, who let women go before them in line, who hold open doors, and who walk on the side of traffic, just to be safe. Men who don’t whistle at girls, but instead offer simple but heartfelt compliments.
As women, we constantly feel that we are not enough or are too much, all at the same time. You are always there to not only accept us… but to point us to the only One who matters. You offer us all such unconditional, Christ-like affection, loving us just the way we are, but too much to let us stay that way.
Similarly, sisters see their brothers at their best and their worst, and love them anyway. A sister is her brother’s witness. She is his partner in crime, agent, biggest fan, teacher, defense attorney, and his shrink. Still, some days, a sister is the reason a brother wishes he was an only child.
And for those times, we not only apologize, but offer this letter to help you understand what Relient K refers to as, “the complex infrastructure known as the female mind.”
When Adam Met Eve (The Original Harry and Sally)
The question posed was what Christian men could do to better serve us, as Christian women. First and foremost, your answer is baked into the question. “Be a man of God.” Us women can, and will, regal you with all kinds of other guidelines and ideas about how to act towards us, how to love us well, etc. But to be honest, all of that comes second to you loving the Lord (Matthew 22:37-39).
God created us for you! And of course, to glorify God. But listen to his words in Genesis 2:18, “It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him.” How amazing is that, that God created us as the perfect compliment to you? That where we are weak, you are strong, but that the opposite is true as well. Where you shine in strength and courage, we meet you with grace and compassion. And where we lack in hope you meet us with perseverance. That means that second to needing God, we need YOU!
We want to be your friends. You have such a different perspective on God and life than we do, and we need that. We sincerely want to hear about how you’re doing, we want to pray for you and with you. We want to engage in conversation with you that goes deeper than discussing the latest episode of The Office. However, anyone who has seen When Harry Met Sally knows how difficult it is for a man and a woman to be “real” friends. We do believe these relationships are possible, but they can be hard work, and are sometimes tricky.
Use caution with giving us too much attention or spending much one-on-one time with us, as we can (and will) probably take that the wrong way. That being said, don’t be afraid to invite us along when a group is planning on getting together. Solid, wonderful, God-glorifying friendships can grow between a guy and girl, but “the friend zone” is not a place you can get to overnight. If you try, we will probably mistake you “just being a good guy,” for you “being a cute boy that is totally into us.”
When You’re Just Not That Into Us
There is nothing so encouraging to us women as the unconditional way that men accept each other. That is not to say that you don’t have your differences, but you all rise above it in a manner most women only dream of. Perhaps without knowing it you all live and breathe Paul’s explanation that “love keeps no record of wrongs…”
If there is one thing Christian women are envious of men for, it is same-sex friendships. Most of you love manly bonding time. We, on the other hand, often respond to “girl’s nights” with shrill screams and complete and utter horror.
We are constantly battling pettiness, jealousy, gossip, and slanderous remarks that destroy female fellowship. It is an age-old story for a woman to spend most of her time surrounded by men because it is only among them that she feels she can truly be herself. Your example is a constant encouragement for us to work on our own same-sex friendships. As women, we could all take note of the inviting love you show nearly everyone you meet.
That being said, while it is important for both you and us to have time and fellowship apart from each other, Christian guys sometimes get so wrapped up in manly bonding that you not only rejoice at the thought of not having girls around, but often scoff when we come back into the picture. We are so glad that time with your brothers is so amazing, but be careful not to discourage your female friends while praising the males in your lives.
The Romance of Dance
The Bible doesn’t provide a one-size-fits-all program for us. Our lives are too different, our circumstances too unique, and our God too creative to have only one formula for romance. The same is true for dancing. There is the waltz, tango, foxtrot, rumba, and swing, to name a few. The dances often look nothing alike; coming from various cultures and consisting of vastly different steps. However all dances share a certain set of rules. Without these rules, the dance would be a devastating challenge.
The man starts on his left foot, and the woman starts on her right. The man always leads. He is supposed to lead her to the point that she is almost blindly following him. Now, let’s superimpose the idea of relationships into this image. When a man will not step up and lead in the dance, the woman is blinded as to where they are going. Don’t misunderstand us; while it is natural for women to be lead in the dance and in relationships, we are not saying it is up to you to do all the work. A woman must know her own steps or it doesn’t matter how well you lead. Likewise, there are times when women have to correct their dance partners for not leading or for leading the wrong way. Sometimes if the woman does not stand up and say something she would be lead astray.
One of the most common complaints of women is that the guys they are dancing with rarely hold them like they are supposed to. This means that you must be firm, but not hurt her. In leading the women that are in your lives, please be considerate of us and be gentle. Hold the women in your lives like you would something that is precious—tight enough that you won’t drop her, but loose enough that you will not break her.
Timidity is something often associated with guys when it comes to both dancing and relationships. It takes courage to be the one who leads. It makes you vulnerable to one of your greatest fears… failure. Being timid means to be insecure, afraid, to lack confidence. Timidity is present when one has not mastered their art.
Dancing is awkward when either party is out of step. It is awkward for the guy (we would imagine) when a girl is taking more initiative than him. And it’s awkward for the girl when she is having to lead. This is often the result of one, or both partners, attempting to dance before getting the proper lessons. And, since it is up to you gentlemen to do the asking, it would help us out a lot if you not ask us to dance until you are ready to do so (i.e. are no longer timid). We’re not asking you to be perfect, but if you have not taken the time to learn the way the Creator of the dance meant for it to look, thing start to get messy. And worse, painful.
Partners can bump heads and step on each other’s toes. Ask almost any girl and she will probably have more than one story about the bruises she’s received after being “dropped” mid-dance by a guy that asked her to dance before he was ready (or knew how) to catch her.
Now, that may have been hard to follow, so we’ll exit the dance floor now and explain further:
Where you all struggle with physical lust, we match you with emotional lust. We do certainly struggle in sins of the flesh, but our sin more often lies in giving our hearts away. And while it is our job to guard our hearts, we need your help.
Please, please, please do not ask to pursue us if you are not ready. That’s not to say that you need to be ready to propose on the first date, far from it. It does mean that if you are not ready to be in a relationship or aren’t sure of your feelings, then we ask you keep them to yourselves until you better know what you desire. When you act on these feelings without prayer or wise council, you are doing more harm than good to the girl you think is so-darn-cute. Take Solomon’s advice, “Do not arouse or awaken love until it so desires”(Song of Songs 2:7).
Be cautious still, even if you are ready to date us. You may have sought the Lord in your decision, but if we’re struggling to guard our hearts before things are “official,” you can imagine how much harder it is when we are in a satisfying relationship. It is very easy for women to turn their significant other into an idol and hold him above God in their lives. We do love to be romanced, we like compliments and your affection. But please help us to see that our identity should be in the Lord, and it is His approval and love that matters.
For those of you who have not been scared away by this letter, and are still set on pursuing that wonderful lady... take a look at Jim Elliot's story of how he pursued his wife. He made romance raw, bold, and adventurous. Men should strive to be like that, on the dance floor and in the relationship. Men should pursue women like Christ pursued the church, vigorously and with all of their heart.
Our challenge is this: Brothers, lead like you would when you are dancing. Don’t lead us astray, running into items or other people that cause conflict. Rather, lead us in the way the dance of life was meant to be stepped. And of course… leave room for the Holy Spirit. :)
Love,
Your Sisters
“Treat younger men as brothers, older women as mothers,
and younger women as sisters, with absolute purity.” 1 Timothy 5:1-2
My senior year of college I led a group of junior women in Bible study, and spend some time with them studying what it meant to be a woman of God. To do so, I challenged many of my brothers to write us letters, encouraging us for what we do well but holding us accountable for things we could do better. This is Christian women in general... not just my girls. The response was incredible.
As a thank you, my girls and I brainstormed and responded with a letter for them. A letter addressed to our Christian brothers, encouraging them for what they do well, but challenging them in areas they could do better.
-------
Dear Studly Men of God :)
There is much to be said about the relationship between a brother and sister. Perhaps no men are as protective of the women in their lives as a “big bro” is to his “li’l sis.” Brothers have a kind of furious love for their sisters, wanting nothing but the best for them and going to the ends of the earth to make sure they are always protected and cared for.
The love between a Christian brother and sister is not so different. And we are so blessed to have so many big brothers, constantly looking out for us. You bless the women in your lives with your thoughtful and protective nature. In a world where women are constantly objectified, we all find refuge and shelter in men like you. Men who walk girls to their cars no matter how far away or what hour, men who give up their seats, who let women go before them in line, who hold open doors, and who walk on the side of traffic, just to be safe. Men who don’t whistle at girls, but instead offer simple but heartfelt compliments.
As women, we constantly feel that we are not enough or are too much, all at the same time. You are always there to not only accept us… but to point us to the only One who matters. You offer us all such unconditional, Christ-like affection, loving us just the way we are, but too much to let us stay that way.
Similarly, sisters see their brothers at their best and their worst, and love them anyway. A sister is her brother’s witness. She is his partner in crime, agent, biggest fan, teacher, defense attorney, and his shrink. Still, some days, a sister is the reason a brother wishes he was an only child.
And for those times, we not only apologize, but offer this letter to help you understand what Relient K refers to as, “the complex infrastructure known as the female mind.”
When Adam Met Eve (The Original Harry and Sally)
The question posed was what Christian men could do to better serve us, as Christian women. First and foremost, your answer is baked into the question. “Be a man of God.” Us women can, and will, regal you with all kinds of other guidelines and ideas about how to act towards us, how to love us well, etc. But to be honest, all of that comes second to you loving the Lord (Matthew 22:37-39).
God created us for you! And of course, to glorify God. But listen to his words in Genesis 2:18, “It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him.” How amazing is that, that God created us as the perfect compliment to you? That where we are weak, you are strong, but that the opposite is true as well. Where you shine in strength and courage, we meet you with grace and compassion. And where we lack in hope you meet us with perseverance. That means that second to needing God, we need YOU!
We want to be your friends. You have such a different perspective on God and life than we do, and we need that. We sincerely want to hear about how you’re doing, we want to pray for you and with you. We want to engage in conversation with you that goes deeper than discussing the latest episode of The Office. However, anyone who has seen When Harry Met Sally knows how difficult it is for a man and a woman to be “real” friends. We do believe these relationships are possible, but they can be hard work, and are sometimes tricky.
Use caution with giving us too much attention or spending much one-on-one time with us, as we can (and will) probably take that the wrong way. That being said, don’t be afraid to invite us along when a group is planning on getting together. Solid, wonderful, God-glorifying friendships can grow between a guy and girl, but “the friend zone” is not a place you can get to overnight. If you try, we will probably mistake you “just being a good guy,” for you “being a cute boy that is totally into us.”
When You’re Just Not That Into Us
There is nothing so encouraging to us women as the unconditional way that men accept each other. That is not to say that you don’t have your differences, but you all rise above it in a manner most women only dream of. Perhaps without knowing it you all live and breathe Paul’s explanation that “love keeps no record of wrongs…”
If there is one thing Christian women are envious of men for, it is same-sex friendships. Most of you love manly bonding time. We, on the other hand, often respond to “girl’s nights” with shrill screams and complete and utter horror.
We are constantly battling pettiness, jealousy, gossip, and slanderous remarks that destroy female fellowship. It is an age-old story for a woman to spend most of her time surrounded by men because it is only among them that she feels she can truly be herself. Your example is a constant encouragement for us to work on our own same-sex friendships. As women, we could all take note of the inviting love you show nearly everyone you meet.
That being said, while it is important for both you and us to have time and fellowship apart from each other, Christian guys sometimes get so wrapped up in manly bonding that you not only rejoice at the thought of not having girls around, but often scoff when we come back into the picture. We are so glad that time with your brothers is so amazing, but be careful not to discourage your female friends while praising the males in your lives.
The Romance of Dance
The Bible doesn’t provide a one-size-fits-all program for us. Our lives are too different, our circumstances too unique, and our God too creative to have only one formula for romance. The same is true for dancing. There is the waltz, tango, foxtrot, rumba, and swing, to name a few. The dances often look nothing alike; coming from various cultures and consisting of vastly different steps. However all dances share a certain set of rules. Without these rules, the dance would be a devastating challenge.
The man starts on his left foot, and the woman starts on her right. The man always leads. He is supposed to lead her to the point that she is almost blindly following him. Now, let’s superimpose the idea of relationships into this image. When a man will not step up and lead in the dance, the woman is blinded as to where they are going. Don’t misunderstand us; while it is natural for women to be lead in the dance and in relationships, we are not saying it is up to you to do all the work. A woman must know her own steps or it doesn’t matter how well you lead. Likewise, there are times when women have to correct their dance partners for not leading or for leading the wrong way. Sometimes if the woman does not stand up and say something she would be lead astray.
One of the most common complaints of women is that the guys they are dancing with rarely hold them like they are supposed to. This means that you must be firm, but not hurt her. In leading the women that are in your lives, please be considerate of us and be gentle. Hold the women in your lives like you would something that is precious—tight enough that you won’t drop her, but loose enough that you will not break her.
Timidity is something often associated with guys when it comes to both dancing and relationships. It takes courage to be the one who leads. It makes you vulnerable to one of your greatest fears… failure. Being timid means to be insecure, afraid, to lack confidence. Timidity is present when one has not mastered their art.
Dancing is awkward when either party is out of step. It is awkward for the guy (we would imagine) when a girl is taking more initiative than him. And it’s awkward for the girl when she is having to lead. This is often the result of one, or both partners, attempting to dance before getting the proper lessons. And, since it is up to you gentlemen to do the asking, it would help us out a lot if you not ask us to dance until you are ready to do so (i.e. are no longer timid). We’re not asking you to be perfect, but if you have not taken the time to learn the way the Creator of the dance meant for it to look, thing start to get messy. And worse, painful.
Partners can bump heads and step on each other’s toes. Ask almost any girl and she will probably have more than one story about the bruises she’s received after being “dropped” mid-dance by a guy that asked her to dance before he was ready (or knew how) to catch her.
Now, that may have been hard to follow, so we’ll exit the dance floor now and explain further:
Where you all struggle with physical lust, we match you with emotional lust. We do certainly struggle in sins of the flesh, but our sin more often lies in giving our hearts away. And while it is our job to guard our hearts, we need your help.
Please, please, please do not ask to pursue us if you are not ready. That’s not to say that you need to be ready to propose on the first date, far from it. It does mean that if you are not ready to be in a relationship or aren’t sure of your feelings, then we ask you keep them to yourselves until you better know what you desire. When you act on these feelings without prayer or wise council, you are doing more harm than good to the girl you think is so-darn-cute. Take Solomon’s advice, “Do not arouse or awaken love until it so desires”(Song of Songs 2:7).
Be cautious still, even if you are ready to date us. You may have sought the Lord in your decision, but if we’re struggling to guard our hearts before things are “official,” you can imagine how much harder it is when we are in a satisfying relationship. It is very easy for women to turn their significant other into an idol and hold him above God in their lives. We do love to be romanced, we like compliments and your affection. But please help us to see that our identity should be in the Lord, and it is His approval and love that matters.
For those of you who have not been scared away by this letter, and are still set on pursuing that wonderful lady... take a look at Jim Elliot's story of how he pursued his wife. He made romance raw, bold, and adventurous. Men should strive to be like that, on the dance floor and in the relationship. Men should pursue women like Christ pursued the church, vigorously and with all of their heart.
Our challenge is this: Brothers, lead like you would when you are dancing. Don’t lead us astray, running into items or other people that cause conflict. Rather, lead us in the way the dance of life was meant to be stepped. And of course… leave room for the Holy Spirit. :)
Love,
Your Sisters
“Treat younger men as brothers, older women as mothers,
and younger women as sisters, with absolute purity.” 1 Timothy 5:1-2
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