Friday night I went to Broad Ripple with a group of friends from high school. If you're not familiar with the Indianapolis area, Broad Ripple is where the local bar scene is for 20-somethings in Indy.
I went to Brother's with a couple girl's first and was surprised, and a little saddened, by how much I enjoyed myself. Within probably 10 minutes of being there I had three guys come up to me touting the fact that they were a pilot, an engineer, or in one case, an exclusive member of Costco. Another kissed my hand and told me I was beautiful.
When the other girl's showed up I greeted them saying, "I should come here more often, this is such a great self-esteem boost!"
Before the words had finished coming out of my mouth I already felt the weight of what I had just said. I immediately removed myself from the breeding grounds and sat down in a back booth, lost in thought. I was confused. Why was I so pleased to get this attention? I knew I wasn't looking to these men for validation. Hearing I'm beautiful from my Savior holds a little more weight to me than a drunk guy whose name I don't even know.
I know I am the daughter of a righteous king, and for years I have found my beauty in the Lord. Not in outward adornments, but in the gentle and quiet Spirit I received when I asked Him into my life (1 Peter 3:6). So I sat, in a crowded bar, and wrestled with my emotions. I became even more frustrated when I figured out what was bugging me so much. Why do I feel so much more loved here by these men, then by my brothers in Christ?
I know, I know. It's different. The motives of these two groups of men in my life are in total opposition. But then, because my brothers motives are so much more pure, how come they seem to care so much less to get to know their sisters? These perfect strangers went to other perfect strangers to strike up conversation in the name of sex. But we as Christians don't come up to each other to talk in the name of Christ. Within 10 minutes of entering Cru or church, we're not excitedly greeted by people we don't know. For the most part, people keep completely to themselves.
As I thought about this, I was saddened to realize it was easier to meet people in bars then in church. And this left me with a Godly sorrow that lasted most of the rest of the night. I know there are all kinds of lines that have been drawn between men and women of God. And I understand most of them. There are so many reasons we need same-sex accountability and fellowship. As a woman, we love when boys aren't around and we don't have to worry so much about how we look. As men, I can only imagine the peace that comes from a night of not constantly having to bounce one's eyes. Still, somewhere along the line I feel like something has gone terribly wrong in our relationship as brothers and sisters.
We have completely done away with co-ed Bible studies. Praying with members of the opposite sex is too intimate. Others are hesitant to engage in any kind of real conversation with anyone of the opposite sex unless they're pursuing them. I wonder what we're missing with all of these societal boundaries?
As female enrollment in seminary has nearly doubled in recent years, male scholars are ecstatic for the fresh perspective their gaining from women. As surely as I could enlighten a few of my brother's to the implications of the lives of Eve, Sarah, Hagar, and Esther, so my brothers could undoubtedly give me a fresh perspective on Adam, Abraham, Judah, and David.
And prayer, too intimate? It's praying! It is intimate, and that's good! Shame on us if we should ever refuse to pray with a struggling brother or sister because of our sex.
Men and women have been working together to further God's kingdom far longer than men with men and women with women. Yes, many of them were married, but what about Esther and Mordechai? Or Tamar and Judah? Carolyn Custis James says it this way in her book "Lost Women of the Bible," 'Judah gave Tamar the highest marks for her conduct and accepted her righteous rebuke. Her actions didn't emasculate or feminize him, as we are warned will happen if a woman takes the initiave. She didn't rob Judah of his manhood. To the contrary, he became a better man because of his encounter with her.'
It just saddened me to think how much today's church is missing in friendships across the gender lines. We have so much to offer one another. Men in relationship should not be the only men to receive encouragement from a woman. What about single men? And single women, do they deserve to feel less beautiful and desired than those lucky women in relationships? When God created Eve, He did so saying it was not good for man to be alone (Genesis 2:18). This doesn't apply just to married men. Paul remained single and still had female encouragement and support in Phoebe and others. Even Jesus had women travel with Him and the disciples.
I know there are all kinds of silly implications. Men and women fearing they'll be leading people on, giving mixed signals, etc. I don't know, I guess I always thought working together to further God's kingdom was more important than dating issues. It is a sticky situation. I know what I'm asking is not easy. Striving to become more and more like Christ rarely is.
And so, my thoughts continued on like this until around 3am. And my heart broke over and over watching hundreds of people around me searching for "love" in all the wrong places. Doing unrighteous things to fulfill a righteous need. Everyone in that room not only needed Jesus, they wanted Him... they just don't know He's what they're looking for.
I have never loved the lost so much.
