Monday, February 22, 2010

Here in Your Arms

I struggle blogging sometimes. I want to blog every day. The list of things I want to write about but don't have time to grows and grows. I think my list is up to 12 blog ideas.

Usually when I say I don't have time to blog, it's because of pride. I like my writing to be perfect. Some people struggle writing because they want to shock and awe their readers with their profound insight and wisdom. I want to win people over with my beautiful rhetoric. Which sometimes takes forever to compose.

I should be trying to win people over for the the Lord and his glory, not my own.

So today I'll keep it short.

Physical touch is my love language. Which is ironic, because I hate being touched by most people. It takes a long time for someone to gain my trust enough for me to allow myself to be physically affectionate with them. And this isn't just relationally. I struggle to even hug my roommates.

But, once someone breaks that barrier, I break the elementary rule, "keep your hands to yourself."

In my facebook profile, under the "about me" section I write about a few of my favorite things. One of them says, "strong arms, and being enveloped in them." There is perhaps no place I feel safer in the world than in someone else's arms. I'm not sure why either, I just know that I could sit in silence with someone holding me for hours and be perfectly happy.

But recently, I have been caught in the arms of another lover.

Over break, a dear friend challenged me, "The Bible says to pray without ceasing. What if we actually took that seriously?" Since then I have been praying more than I even have in my entire life. I'm not perfect, but most of the time I'm not doing homework or with people I'm in prayer. Talking to my daddy. I pray when I walk, when I drive, when I run, when I'm in the shower, when I'm cooking.

And I know, that when I'm not praying, I want to be. When I'm not praying the world seems a million times more scary. And when I'm not praying, I feel more vulnerable.

But I feel so safe when I'm wrapped tightly in the arms of prayer. Prayer makes me feel brave. Which is something I don't feel very often.

God is a lot of places, but apparently he missed that day in preschool, because God has never kept his arms to himself... and I'm so thankful for that.

I love you daddy.

Saturday, February 20, 2010

Church, Rap Music, and Body Parts

I've been studying "the church" a lot lately. Trying to figure out what makes a church a church, how para churches are different, why going to church is important, etc. I'm still gathering my thoughts and convictions. What I know right now is that churches are just buildings. Like people, there are countless shapes, sizes, colors, and talents of churches spread across the country. But too often churches have problems with each other.

They disagree on theology, worship, and doctrine. They fight, they put down, instead of building up, and working together for God's kingdom.

Paul says it best, we're many parts, we're all one body. And he says it over and over again, to different churches (Romans 12:4, 1 Cor 12:12, Ephesians 4:16). I can't help but think that while he was speaking to single churches about their own divisions, it is also the case with the church as a whole.

Lord, help us be the church.




Buy this song by Lecrae on iTunes and you’ll be helping to support Churches Helping Churches. A sweet organization started by studs James MacDonald and Mark Driscoll along with DesiringGod ministries.

We can’t get into Haiti yet to do the kind of hands on relief work I want to do, but for now, I’ll gladly support the rebuilding of the church in any way I can.

Yes, the church, not my church, or their church. THE church. There's just one.

Tuesday, February 16, 2010

My First Love

In seventh grade I had my first valentine.

Almost.

Luke and I were in the same P.E. class. And one day, during basketball, his best friend came up to me and told me Luke liked me. So, for the next month, Luke and I would walk to class together, in silence. It’s the way junior high love works. That, and this is what I do with boys I like. I become mute. I’m a little ashamed to admit that ten years later this still reigns true. Cute boys make me awkward.

But I digress. Valentine’s Day was just around the corner and I excitedly ran to Hallmark one afternoon to pick up my first real Valentine’s card. I was ecstatic!

The card read:

Outside:
“Roses are red.
Beagles have spots.
Hope that you know…”

Inside:
“… I love you lots.
Happy Valentine’s Day”

It was a Peanuts card. Snoopy was on the front, sitting on top of his doghouse with a typewriter, presumably typing this cute poem.

Sadly, while some find my sweet silence endearing, Luke apparently did not find it so adorable. On February 11th he passed me a note in the hall, right before math, which said, “I don’t like you anymore. We never talk. And we have nothing in common.” Its okay, you can laugh. I did writing it. :)

Ever the unusual girl, I found solace in the fact that I had not yet written anything on the card I had bought (I don’t like to waste). I was immediately excited at the prospect of re-gifting it to my valentine the next year.

But 8th grade came and went without a Valentine, as did 9th grade, and then 10th, and then all of high school. I held onto the card, now knowing it would be saved for someone special indeed. My first college boyfriend, I thought, he would get my now six-year-old card.

College began, and college ended. Grad school started. And still no valentine. My card anxiously waiting to be given away. The card is now eleven-years-old, and in surprisingly good condition. The same can be said of my heart.

You see, this story is not nearly as depressing as it sounds. It’s not about a little girl desperate for a love she has not yet found. It’s a story about a girl with a protective God who is jealous for her. It’s the story about a loving Father who has always looked out for his daughter. Blessing her with patience, so that she will not give away her card, or heart, to anyone that will guard it less carefully than He.

Sometimes I think about my future husband. I wonder if he prays to God, desperate to meet me. In a sense, asking my Father permission to marry me. And I wonder how he takes my daddy’s response. “No, you can’t. Not yet.” I wonder what he does in those moments of inner discouragement. I pray he takes it to the Lord in humbled confidence, never doubting that the Lord will say yes when we’re both ready.

I’m grateful to have such a jealous God. I’m blessed that throughout the years, throughout eleven Valentine’s Days, he has kept my heart pure, shielding me from the pain of countless broken relationships and fleeting love. I wonder sometimes if I will only ever have one Valentine. It would be sort of sweet. Knowing I had only ever celebrated my love with one man. But, that is as far as I will let my mind wonder into the future tonight.

So, this Valentine’s, I spent the day with my first love. Reading about his unchangeable, faithful, loyal love for me. His STEADFAST love.

After church this Valentine’s Day I curled up in my bed with the good book and began searching out truth about how much my God loves me. What I found was not just his love. I found that time and time again the word love wasn’t enough. Steadfast was the adjective so often attached. The scriptures quote it over and over, “his steadfast love.”

Steadfast: constant, unwavering, fixed.

You can find it in:
Exodus 34:6
Deuteronomy 5:10
2 Chronicles 5:13
Psalm 13:5
Psalm 26:3
Psalm 36:5
Psalm 51:1
Psalm 86:13
Psalm 100:5
Psalm 145:8
Lamentations 3:22
Daniel 9:4

And that was without going online and searching “steadfast love” on Bible.com.

What I loved the most as the beauty of this word was revealed to be was that I found it in places I’d been reading over and over. I’d always missed it. Psalm 13 and Lamentations 3 have been the two chapters of my life over the last few months, and not so coincidentally, God speaks of his steadfast love for me in both chapters. What a romantic God I have. Pursuing me daily. As I should pursue him.

I see so many Christians depressed and lonely on Valentine’s Day. Pitying themselves for not having a special someone to share the day with. But like I sometimes do, these men and women have forgotten their first love (Revelation 2:4). Single, engaged, married, widowed. We already have the greatest love that any man has ever known!

Joshua Harris says it best, "The world takes us to a silver screen on which flickering images of passion and romance play, and as we watch, the world says 'This is love.' God takes us to the foot of the tree on which a naked and bloodied man hangs and says 'THIS is LOVE!’”

Jesus endured incomprehensible pain and death so his Father’s love for us would remain steadfast. So that no matter our sin, it is paid for, and God can continue to love us with an unchanging, fixed, constant love that we do not deserve.

To me Valentine’s Day is about so much more than worldly love. And I hope I never forget that. I hope throughout the years (when I do have a Valentine) that I will not make the holiday about our love for each other. I pray it will always be about our Father’s love for us which makes our love for each other possible.

You see, this is not a story about a girl without love. It’s a story for all those who have forgotten that they are never without love.

So, next Valentine’s (since this blog is a little late)… if you’re feeling down without a special someone to share the day with. Do the wonderfully cheesy thing I did. Make yourself a card. On the front, “My Daughter” or “My Son”

And on the inside, write this:

“You may forget your first love from time to time, but rest assured, your first love will never forget you. –God”

Happy (Belated) Valentine’s Day everyone! I love you all.

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PS. My beloved brothers, take notes. After 40 years, John Piper is still pursuing his wife. I pray that 40 years from now, you all will be, too. :)

http://www.desiringgod.org/Blog/2247_a_valentine_for_my_wife_in_pictures_and_rhyme/

Sunday, February 14, 2010

Counseling Adam and Eve

I’ve been thinking a lot about how the Bible can be read and interpreted in so many different ways according to everyone’s own unique gifts, talents, and experiences. A soldier would no doubt be able to read David’s psalms in a way I could only dream of. An infertile woman could offer far greater wisdom than I in reading Sarah’s tragic tail.

So I began wondering, how can I use my psychological knowledge to study God’s word?
Psychology is the study of people. The study of their behavior, their minds, their souls, their feelings. And the only way to counsel people and dig into all of these heavy heart issues is to ask questions. It is a common misconception that psychologists offer advice and perform miraculous interventions (but that’s Jesus’ job). Our job is to love people, and to learn what’s going on under the surface by asking questions.

So I started with Adam and Eve.

I’ve heard all the arguments against them. Eve gave into seduction, seeking to please her husband before the Lord. And Adam stood idly by, not rejecting passivity. Thousands of years later most of us haven’t forgiven them for the fall. That’s all we see them as. The two people responsible for inviting sin into the world. But that’s just it. They’re people. Those written about in the Bible aren’t just fictional characters, they were people, with hearts, emotions, and feelings.

And that got me thinking, if the fall is hard for us to talk about now without placing blame, how much harder was it for them? If we can’t forgive Adam and Eve, how long did it take for them to forgive each other?

What was their marriage like after the fall? How long did Adam blame Eve (Gen 3:12)? How did Eve feel that her husband blamed her? Did she cry? Did she grow embittered towards him? Did she feel scorned by her lover? Did she lose respect for her husband when she realized he just stood there? Did she question Adam’s love for her?

Adam blamed Eve when speaking to the Lord, but deep down I wonder if he blamed himself. Did he feel like a failure? Was he emasculated and guilt-ridden knowing he didn’t protect his wife when he could have? Did he feel weak?

Did he resonate with Amnon’s feelings towards Tamar, that he hated her more than he loved her (2 Sam 13:15)? (Almost three years ago a man quoted that scripture to me when we were having relational difficulties and the words still pierce my soul today.) So, if he did, how did Eve handle such a deep piercing wound? Did she ever get over it?

How many days went by before they could look at each other again? How many days until they would speak to each other again? Even more frightening, how long until the anger and hurt feelings subsided enough for them to desire each other physically?

These are the kinds of questions I think about now when I think about Adam and Eve. But my questions continue…

What if I study the whole Bible this way, coming up with case studies of all the questions I would ask these people if I were there to counsel them? If I could sit down in a counseling session with Noah, Sarah, Abraham, Hagar, David, Hosea, Judas, Pontius Pilate; what would I ask them? How much deeper will these peoples stories resonate with me when I view them as living, breathing, human-beings, and not just characters?

And what about you? What is your story? In what ways can you use your God-given talents, skills, and education to deepen your understanding of the Word?

Saturday, February 6, 2010

My Celebrity Look Alike

There's a new trend on Facebook; find the celebrity you look like and post their profile picture as your own. I have mixed feelings about it. Half my friends have fairly legit look alikes, and the other half seem frustrated and lost that they don't have one.

Four of us battled this confusion today at the Pourhouse. We all got on myheritage.com and uploaded pictures of ourselves so the site could generate our very own celebrity twins. It was pretty hilarious, at least for a while. Then anger and frustration would ensue when we didn't get the celebrities we wanted, or felt they weren't attractive enough to do us justice. We scanned picture after picture of ourselves until we got the match we wanted.

After maybe ten unsuccessful attempts, my friends could rest easy and shut their laptops when they finally found a smile and angle that matched them with Brad Pitt or Kate Bosworth, and it left me wondering, what is this Facebook game really about?

It's not about finding a look alike, it's about finding someone the world finds attractive and having proof that we're not too far away from them. It's a game to fix our own insecurities and bolster our own egos.

This isn't to condemn my friends, I played into it, too. And I admit I got incredibly frustrated when picture after picture I put in the program spat back out random Asian celebrities I'd never heard of. Apparently I have squinty eyes. I wanted it to magically say I looked like Jennifer Aniston.

Still, by the end of the night, I played into the game and found my true celebrity look alike. I realized I do resemble someone famous. I'm made in the image and likeness of God (Gen 1:26-27). I bare His image. I'm not Jennifer Aniston. I'm me. I'm one of a kind. I was known by God before I was in the womb, and was uniquely formed by Him (Jer 1:5).

So, haven't found your celebrity look alike? Look up Jesus Christ. You resemble Him.

We're all imperfect. Human. Full of selfish motives and sinful desires. But long before God formed each of us He sent His Son to die on the cross as atonement for our sins. If you confess in your hearts that Jesus Christ is Lord He'll rock your world. Turn it upside down and give you the Holy Spirit so you can join me in my quest to spend each day striving to look more and more like Him.

Talk about a sweet doppelganger.

Wednesday, February 3, 2010

My Mind is an Ocean

There was a period of my life where I thought in Facebook statuses. It seemed like everything that happened in my life could be cleverly transformed into a witty one-sentence blurb that friends were sure to “like.”

“Heather Elson is warming her feet; a four-mile run in the snow is brrrrutal.”
“Heather Elson wonders why psychologists are called shrinks when our job is to help people grow.”
“Heather Elson is charging hell with a squirt gun.”
“Heather Elson is bigger than her body gives her credit for.”

A growing number of college students and twenty-somethings (and celebrities) have begun to do the same. They think in tweets.

Well, I’ve moved on. I now think in blogs. Sadly, writing blogs are much more time-consuming. So, here are some topics I would write about if I had more time. Titles and summations of blogs that may only exist in my mind.

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My First Love: You may forget your first love from time to time, but your First Love will never forget you. (thoughts on Rev. 2:4)

Coincidence? I think not. : It’s probably not a coincidence that a day-long exploration of the Bible left me without any Biblical examples of coincidence.

All the Single Ladies: A call to my girlfriends to stop looking at boys as means to a ring, and start seeing them as partners to seek the King.

The Times You Go Hungry and are Tempted to Steal: The Ten Commandments are true literally, but what about metaphorically? Can we murder by killing people’s spirits? Is it stealing when we hunger for Christ’s love and replace that void by stealing the affections of others?

Running the Race: A runner’s perspective on why the Bible uses this metaphor so much. And why it matters.

Your Body is a Wonderland: Our bodies are temples of a living God and we should treat them that way.

Gardener of my soul: As I dreamt about owning a home one day and having a garden plush with flowers, I began researching gardening. It was like reading Jesus’ parables. Turns out God is my gardener.

Cardboard Testimonies: We constantly debate whether to give a homeless person money or food, but whatever our decision we are pleased with ourselves for helping them out. But are we really loving the poor when we see them as so inhumane that we never even THINK to ask their name?

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Maybe someday.