For far too long, probably years now, my motives for studying and reading the Bible have been self-centered. I don't think there's anything wrong with looking for application in the God's Word, in fact I think that's an integral part of reading the Bible. But that's all I was ever looking for. I wanted encouragement and nourishment for myself. To have faith and to see how big God is, I needed to see His hand at work in my life. I needed MY prayers answered. As heart-breaking as it is to see now, I haven't been looking for God at all. I've just been looking for ways to make life better for me.
Even when I seek and use the Word to help others my motives are selfish. Yes, I want to help them and encourage them by pointing them to the Lord, knowing and believing He is the only one who can truly heal a broken heart, but I'm sad to admit that I think that desire comes second me wanting them to realize that I helped them.
Realizing all of this, it seems almost a wonder to me that God has accomplished anything through such a sinful creature.
But then, God is a wonder. And I am certainly not powerful enough to obstruct God's plan.
God does not wait for perfect conditions to advance his purposes. Paul speaks to this in his letter to the Philippians, reminding us, that whether through false motives or true, he rejoices that the gospel was preached (Phil 1:18). If the evil of a fallen world or the shortcomings of sinful hearts could obstruct God's progress, then He wouldn't be God! God always accomplishes his plan... in spite of me.
A great example of this is King Nebuchadnezzar. He terrorized God's people, destroyed the temple, overthrew Judah, torturing and executing whoever he pleased. And even he was not too far gone. God destroyed even his evil pride and even Nebuchadnezzar fell to his knees in humility before the God of the universe.
I pray that I will stop living and acting with selfish ambitions, but that I will do everything in life with the sole purpose of glorifying God.
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"At the end of the days I, Nebuchadnezzar, lifted my eyes to heaven, and my reason returned to me, and I blessed the Most High, and praised and honored him who lives forever,
for his dominion is an everlasting dominion, and his kingdom endures from generation to generation; all the inhabitants of the earth are accounted as nothing, and he does according to his will among the host of heaven and among the inhabitants of the earth; and none can stay his hand or say to him, "What have you done?"
At the same time my reason returned to me, and for the glory of my kingdom, my majesty and splendor returned to me. My counselors and my lords sought me, and I was still established in my kingdom, and still more greatness was added to me. Now I, Nebuchadnezzar, praise and extol and honor the King of heaven, for all his works are right and his ways are just; and those who walk in pride he is able to humble." Daniel 4:34-37
Lord, I pray you will continually remind me I cannot do this on my own. Strip me of all my pride, and all my selfish desires. Help me to rest knowing it is you that restores others hearts and hope, not I. Help me to find peace in you, knowing I cannot destroy your plan for myself or others. And when I seek your word or seek you in prayer, help me to do it for your glory, not my own.
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