About four years ago a line was said in a TV show that I have never forgotten. A young woman was in the hospital, and she wasn’t going to make it. Her fiancé was on his way, but she wasn't going to make it in time to say goodbye to him. The doctor asked her if there was anything he could say to the fiancé when he arrived. She said this, “Tell him that if love were enough, I’d still be here.”
This was super poetic, and sounded beautiful, but I wanted to scream. That one line shattered all my childhood dreams and ideals about relationships. And while it seems a little pathetic, I have spent the last four years wrestling with the weight of that idea.
At that point in my life (when I first watched this episode) I believed in God’s idea of love, but still preferred Disney’s take on things. I thought I’d meet a boy, fall in love, get married, and we’d live happily ever after. We’d have the usual spousal spats, but nothing else. He’d never cheat on me, never yell at me, never do anything wrong, because he would love me, and his love for me would be so great that it would dissolve any temptation of wrong in marriage. His love for me would be enough.
Eventually I grew, and my view of God matured. I was weaned off my spiritual milk, but I’m pretty sure I wasn’t up to solid food yet (Hebrews 5:11-5:14). I call it my ice cream phase. Then, I thought my story would go like this: I’d meet a Jesus-lovin’ boy, fall in love, get married, and we’d live happily ever after. We’d have the usual spousal spats, but nothing else. He’d never cheat on me, never yell at me, never do anything wrong, because he would love Jesus, and his love for Jesus would be so great that it would dissolve any temptation of wrong in marriage. His love for Christ would be enough.
But milk spoils and ice cream melts.
About a month ago I had grown enough to endure my first taste of solid food. So I bit into the apple and my eyes were opened (Genesis 3:7). If it is God’s will, I will meet a Jesus-lovin’ boy, fall in love, get married, and live joyfully ever after. We’d have the usual spousal spats, but we’d have other hurts, too. Marrying the most God-fearing man doesn’t mean he’ll never hurt me or sin in the marriage (I’ll be guilty of both, too), it just means that we can get through it if we’re both seeking the Lord, together and apart. Just like Adam and Eve when they ate the apple, we are sinful at the core (no pun intended). And because of that, love isn’t enough. Only Christ is. He can take our sin and use it for His glory.
I think the greatest example of this is Sarah and Abraham. If I asked most people the first word that comes to mind when they think of either of these people, most would say “faithful.” We hold them in high regard as a Godly couple we should all strive to imitate. This seems ironic to me when I look at their whole story.This isn’t to say they weren’t faithful, they were. Sarah continued her faith in the Lord despite 24 years of barrenness and silence from the Lord. Abraham repeatedly went to dangerous plays as God called him, and Sarah followed, putting herself in danger to save Abraham not once, but twice. That’s incredible. And I'm fairly certain my faith would look like a mustard seed compared to theirs.
But shortly after all that, things start to fall apart. Abraham protects himself and Sarah ends up in the Pharoah’s harem.(Granted culture makes this all a little different) But then Sarah comes up with the plan for Abraham to sleep with Hagar and bear a child with her since Sarah cannot give him a child of her own. Tragically, Abraham consents. Hagar does bear a child, but an ungodly display of anger and abuse ensues between Hagar and Sarah.
This seems very dark and twisty. They’re parts of the Bible we like to gloss over, particularly when we’re talking about “giants of faith” like Sarah and Abraham. At the same time, this part of Sarah and Abraham’s story is probably the most encouraging part to me. Like so many Old Testament characters (and NT characters for that matter), these two are sinful people who make mistakes. And continue to make them. There were times Sarah should have submitted to Abraham and she didn’t. There were times she shouldn’t have submitted to him and she did.
Praise God the Bible is full of flawed individuals. Praise God that He takes imperfect people and for His glory, somehow manages to salvage their stories and turn them into giants of faith. Sarah and Abraham remind us how hard it is to trust God when everything is going wrong and hope is lost. Even the strongest stumble and fall… and bite into apples.
Walking with God doesn’t spare us from hard decisions, nor does it guarantee we’ll always make the right choice. Our lives are full of well-intentioned mistakes and outright sin.Our redemption is Christ. And so it will be the same in relationships, and in my musings, marriage.
It’s hard to have one’s eyes opened and see the sin of this world. It’s humbling, and it makes eating apples a little bittersweet.
To remedy this, I add cinnamon, turn my apples into pie, and always make sure to have ice cream on top and a cold glass of milk on the side. Apple pie is best served a la mode.
*****
Epilogue: After four years I finally understand the saying, “If love were enough, I’d still be here.” I’ve now realized this goes far beyond the bounds of romantic relationships. After all, if love were enough, wouldn’t He still be here?
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