My First Love

In seventh grade I had my first valentine.

Almost.

Luke and I were in the same P.E. class. And one day, during basketball, his best friend came up to me and told me Luke liked me. So, for the next month, Luke and I would walk to class together, in silence. It’s the way junior high love works. That, and this is what I do with boys I like. I become mute. I’m a little ashamed to admit that ten years later this still reigns true. Cute boys make me awkward.

But I digress. Valentine’s Day was just around the corner and I excitedly ran to Hallmark one afternoon to pick up my first real Valentine’s card. I was ecstatic!

The card read:

Outside:
“Roses are red.
Beagles have spots.
Hope that you know…”

Inside:
“… I love you lots.
Happy Valentine’s Day”

It was a Peanuts card. Snoopy was on the front, sitting on top of his doghouse with a typewriter, presumably typing this cute poem.

Sadly, while some find my sweet silence endearing, Luke apparently did not find it so adorable. On February 11th he passed me a note in the hall, right before math, which said, “I don’t like you anymore. We never talk. And we have nothing in common.” Its okay, you can laugh. I did writing it. :)

Ever the unusual girl, I found solace in the fact that I had not yet written anything on the card I had bought (I don’t like to waste). I was immediately excited at the prospect of re-gifting it to my valentine the next year.

But 8th grade came and went without a Valentine, as did 9th grade, and then 10th, and then all of high school. I held onto the card, now knowing it would be saved for someone special indeed. My first college boyfriend, I thought, he would get my now six-year-old card.

College began, and college ended. Grad school started. And still no valentine. My card anxiously waiting to be given away. The card is now eleven-years-old, and in surprisingly good condition. The same can be said of my heart.

You see, this story is not nearly as depressing as it sounds. It’s not about a little girl desperate for a love she has not yet found. It’s a story about a girl with a protective God who is jealous for her. It’s the story about a loving Father who has always looked out for his daughter. Blessing her with patience, so that she will not give away her card, or heart, to anyone that will guard it less carefully than He.

Sometimes I think about my future husband. I wonder if he prays to God, desperate to meet me. In a sense, asking my Father permission to marry me. And I wonder how he takes my daddy’s response. “No, you can’t. Not yet.” I wonder what he does in those moments of inner discouragement. I pray he takes it to the Lord in humbled confidence, never doubting that the Lord will say yes when we’re both ready.

I’m grateful to have such a jealous God. I’m blessed that throughout the years, throughout eleven Valentine’s Days, he has kept my heart pure, shielding me from the pain of countless broken relationships and fleeting love. I wonder sometimes if I will only ever have one Valentine. It would be sort of sweet. Knowing I had only ever celebrated my love with one man. But, that is as far as I will let my mind wonder into the future tonight.

So, this Valentine’s, I spent the day with my first love. Reading about his unchangeable, faithful, loyal love for me. His STEADFAST love.

After church this Valentine’s Day I curled up in my bed with the good book and began searching out truth about how much my God loves me. What I found was not just his love. I found that time and time again the word love wasn’t enough. Steadfast was the adjective so often attached. The scriptures quote it over and over, “his steadfast love.”

Steadfast: constant, unwavering, fixed.

You can find it in:
Exodus 34:6
Deuteronomy 5:10
2 Chronicles 5:13
Psalm 13:5
Psalm 26:3
Psalm 36:5
Psalm 51:1
Psalm 86:13
Psalm 100:5
Psalm 145:8
Lamentations 3:22
Daniel 9:4

And that was without going online and searching “steadfast love” on Bible.com.

What I loved the most as the beauty of this word was revealed to be was that I found it in places I’d been reading over and over. I’d always missed it. Psalm 13 and Lamentations 3 have been the two chapters of my life over the last few months, and not so coincidentally, God speaks of his steadfast love for me in both chapters. What a romantic God I have. Pursuing me daily. As I should pursue him.

I see so many Christians depressed and lonely on Valentine’s Day. Pitying themselves for not having a special someone to share the day with. But like I sometimes do, these men and women have forgotten their first love (Revelation 2:4). Single, engaged, married, widowed. We already have the greatest love that any man has ever known!

Joshua Harris says it best, "The world takes us to a silver screen on which flickering images of passion and romance play, and as we watch, the world says 'This is love.' God takes us to the foot of the tree on which a naked and bloodied man hangs and says 'THIS is LOVE!’”

Jesus endured incomprehensible pain and death so his Father’s love for us would remain steadfast. So that no matter our sin, it is paid for, and God can continue to love us with an unchanging, fixed, constant love that we do not deserve.

To me Valentine’s Day is about so much more than worldly love. And I hope I never forget that. I hope throughout the years (when I do have a Valentine) that I will not make the holiday about our love for each other. I pray it will always be about our Father’s love for us which makes our love for each other possible.

You see, this is not a story about a girl without love. It’s a story for all those who have forgotten that they are never without love.

So, next Valentine’s (since this blog is a little late)… if you’re feeling down without a special someone to share the day with. Do the wonderfully cheesy thing I did. Make yourself a card. On the front, “My Daughter” or “My Son”

And on the inside, write this:

“You may forget your first love from time to time, but rest assured, your first love will never forget you. –God”

Happy (Belated) Valentine’s Day everyone! I love you all.

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PS. My beloved brothers, take notes. After 40 years, John Piper is still pursuing his wife. I pray that 40 years from now, you all will be, too. :)

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